Week 7

It seems like the first few weeks of my pregnancy are dragging on. I know everyone says to really enjoy this time of your life because it will pass so quickly, but right now I just don't see it. I think part of it is because I wasn't as far along as I thought I was when I went to the doctor, so it feels like I've been 6 weeks pregnant for 3 weeks now. I really still don't have much of an idea of my exact due date or exactly how far along I am, which is killing me since so many of the books and articles I'm reading are all based on what week you're in. I'm probably reading too much anyway!

I've had a subtle nausea for the past week-- not so bad that I feel like I'm going to throw up, and not so bad that I can't eat anything, but nonetheless annoying. I filled the prescription the dr. gave me for nausea medication and actually took it last night I felt so bad. At some times I'm grateful for the nausea, as its the baby's sign that he/she is still alive & well. Other than that, I've also been pretty tired, but not to where I can't function well. I craved French Fries & starchy foods all last week but today I think that's starting to subside. I don't really have any other symptoms, though. I feel like I'm already starting to show a little and some of my pants are harder to fit into, but I know it's really still a little early for that!

The cat is officially out of the bag. Most people know the news now. I still haven't told a couple of my long-distance friends, but we made the announcement Wed. night at prayer meeting at church, and I told everyone at work. Generally, everyone seems so excited for us. I haven't really had any off-the-wall advice. Actually most people at work are really looking out for me more. A lot ask me how I feel on a regular basis. And since there have been quite a few that have gone through a pregnancy themselves recently, many have offered to let me borrow some books they have. Now that everyone knows, I think the wait is about to feel even longer.

My Baby's Development: Week 6

The arms and legs continue to develop - These limbs are stretching out more and more. Later on you will be feeling those feet and elbows up close and personal right in your bladder! Brain is growing well - Did you know that over the course of the remaining months that your baby's brain will develop over 100 billion neurons? This is just the beginning!

Lenses of the eyes appear - If you could catch a glimpse inside, you would notice your baby's appearance becoming increasing like a newborn's.
Nostrils are formed - The position of the nose seems to shift into its proper place as well. Soon, the nerves running from the nose to the brain appear. Intestines grow - Initially these are actually located outside the baby's body within the umbilical cord.
Pancreas - Your baby is now equipped to deal with digestive enzymes and take on processing the insulin and glucagons the body needs to function.

First Doctor Visit

Finally the day of the long-awaited first doctor visit is here. I have been really anxious-- to see the heartbeat, to know my baby is actually there, living inside me. I was nervous about all they were going to do, but turns out they really didn't do much of anything. I went in at 8am, they did a urine sample (the pregnancy test had a really dark line this time, by the way), took my weight (134) and blood pressure, and then Brett & I got to go back for the ultrasound. The u/s was really quick & painless. Turns out, though, I'm not as far along as I thought. The baby was soo small-- too small to find out its length to determine an actual due date. She figures I'm probably about 5 weeks, but I go back again in 2 weeks. Another 2 weeks of waiting! But we saw the heartbeat. A little tiny blinking dot. Life. I thought I would be more emotional but I still feel sort of detached. I definately feel more certain now; there's no doubt I'm pregnant (especially since morning sickness is finally kicking in), but still so far removed from the future and the thought of actually holding a living human being that was formed inside of me! I decided to tell everyone at work today & we'll probably start telling more people since the doctor said the chance of a miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat greatly decreases.





I shall call this one "blinky."

Fears

I still haven't let myself really get attached to this baby yet. I can't really think of anything past Jan. 15th when I will get to see that ultrasound and see my baby's heartbeat. I have this huge fear that it won't be beating. That something will have happened to this precious miracle that God blessed us with so quickly. And I can't bring myself to think of what it will actually be like to hold a baby in my arms. A baby that is my very own. Part of me still wants to tell the whole wide world that I am pregnant. But another part of me is so scared it will be all over after Tues. and I will have to go back and tell the few people I already did tell that there will be no baby. I want to trust that God is taking care of this child even now-- that He is perfectly capable of giving me a healthy and safe pregnancy. Maybe its partially because I have very few symptoms. I rarely feel sick (and when I do feel slightly nauseous, it's in the evening, not the morning). I just don't feel pregnant.

I have started worrying about finances as well. For the first year of our marriage money was a huge concern of mine. I felt like we were always struggling to catch up from behind. Yet God always provided. In ways I least expected. We always had enough food to eat, we were always able to pay our mortgage. Then a few months ago Brett got a second job and we have been able to save a little, pay off some debt. Money hasn't been a huge concern. Now there's a new factor in the picture. A living breathing human being. That requires stuff. Expensive stuff. And daily supervision. So either I quit my job, or we find some reasonable form of child care. Right now the first option is not looking feasible. And even though I've always wanted to stay home with my kids (and Brett wants me to also), I'm not sure it's going to be possible unless something changes with our financial situation. I may be able to work part time and find some sort of child care a few hours during the day, but I'm not sure what I would do for work. I know that God will provide. I also know that we have 8 months to figure this all out. And for that I am grateful!

Dear Baby

To My Little One,

What a privilege to be able to carry you around with me. What a blessing God has given me to shelter and protect one of His own creations. It's amazing to think that He already knows everything about you, even as you are still being formed. I know that He has big plans for you, little one, and I can't wait to see all that's in store. I am humbled and honored to become your mother. I can't promise that I will always know exactly what to do in every situation, but I promise to trust in God to give me the answers. Even now, I am praying that God will make your father and I godly parents, that He will teach us how to discipline, how to model the Christian life, and how to raise you up in Him. I am praying that you will quickly learn the importance of a relationship with Him. Mostly I am praying that you will grow in my belly to be strong and healthy. I promise to take the best care of you I can. And I can't wait to meet you! I hope you know how much you are already loved.

Your Mother

Positively Blessed

Completely expecting it to be negative again, I took a second pregnancy test the morning of Dec. 29th. My period was 5 days past due, but the test I took on the day it was due was negative. This explains my shock when the test was not negative, but showed 2 pink lines. I’m pregnant! My first thought was, “I don’t believe it. It’s actually positive.” It really took most of the day for the shock to wear off, and I still don’t think I’m completely prepared for everything to come, but my tender breasts and achy are a preview of what’s to come. Its been hard to sleep the past few nights as my thoughts bounced back and forth between, “I can’t do this,” and “Oh my gosh, I’m a mother!” Not to mention it gets uncomfortable to lay on one side for too long. I think the biggest shock is that we really didn’t even try! I stopped taking birth control exactly one month ago. I have no idea how long my regular cycle- sans birth control- really is. But apparently God’s perfect timing allowed us to be very fertile with very little waiting period.

Brett was with me during the test and I think he too was in shock. He kept on staring at the pink lines as if they would go away. He was incredibly excited. We celebrated with sparkling cider.

We really debated over who to tell and when. We really did want to wait until we were out of the "safety zone," but that seems like so long! I still have an uncertainty that its even true. The line was faint, it happened so quick... I know there's rarely ever a false positive pregnancy test, but I keep reasoning with myself that it can't possibly be true. At first we decided we were just going to tell our closest friends. We told Elizabeth & Scott. Then we told two other couples that were at our New Year's Eve Party Monday.

We had dinner with my parents Saturday, the day we found out, and it was sooo hard not to tell them then but we still wanted to wait. We told them yesterday on New Year's Day. They were pretty excited, but I think in shock also, simply because it was kind of unexpected!

We're probably not going to tell anyone else until after my 1st doctor's appointment Jan. 15th. I feel pretty different at work, like my whole life is about to change. It seems that everyone already just knows, but I know that is just my imagination.

According to various websites, I'm about 5 weeks along right now, which will put me due early September. Of course, I will have to wait another two weeks before my appointment.